Ten Types of Writers

Writers are usually depicted as one big clique. They are generalised (Oh, these writer types!) and stereotyped ( She is brooding in a corner , is anti-social and has no sense of personal hygiene., Must be a writer.) But you see, writers are like STD"s. There is such variety like Syphilis,  Gonorrhea,  Herpes but they all come under one umbrella term. Through careless observation and extensive article reading due to utter boredom, I have carved out the different types of writers one encounters.

1.  The Sarcastic Type

Ever remember reading an article that gave you a good chuckle? The ones you read and feel very smart about because you understood the writer's intended joke (when so many others missed it).These writers have an extraordinary flair for language and use it to their advantage. Even if they have got nothing to say, they can say it.

2.The Irony-loving Writer

These can't resist ending stories in a way that no one expects. Readers start expecting them to write a story that doesn't end conventionally. Resolution is a word they scoff at. Plot-twists, and seemingly mundane anti-climaxes are up their alley. Giving a normal ending goes against their moral core. If such a writer starts off the story with an old loving grandmother who adores her cat more than life itself, expect the cat to unintentionally die by her hands at the end of it.

3. The Non-Linear Type

Why is the sky blue? Because my dog is plotting to take over the world. My teacher punished me for not doing my home-work. Oh look,lilies!

This type starts with one thought and then whisks you into a completely different direction. I know I portrayed them to be a little ADHD, but that is how they have always come across to me. Do not expect all the lose ends to be tied at the end. 

4.The Facts and Figure Writer

These writers do their research so well that they are bloody pompous about it. Their weapons of choice are profits, dates, percentages, averages, quotes by opinion leaders and other fancy statistics that no one has ever heard of.The articles tend to be dry and factual (read boring). But they go hand in hand with the next type.

5. The Strongly Opinionated Writer

My teacher says, if you want to be a writer you have to have an opinion on everything. Some people take this to an extreme. Even the smallest issue can bring out intellectual spew. It is a great way to get noticed but there is a strong chance of getting labelled as noise. 

6. The Rant Writer

People have lots to complain about. The world is unfair. Life can be tough. They feel it is their duty to let the world know how awful it is. If you don't possess a charming/caustic sense of humor while conveying this to the world, it becomes a rant. Rant writer blames all their problems on the world. They get their chaddies in a knot very easily.

7.The Arm-Chair Activist Writer

The pen is mightier than the sword, anyone? These take up writing as a medium for their cause. They deeply care about something, and strongly feel others should too. The best way to do that is through writing lengthy articles about the issues.

8.The Propoganda Writer

The writer who reeks of PR. This is the writer who (willingly or forced by economic deprivations) writes to have people buy in to products,services or (worse) ideas.

9. The Romantic Type

These are those feely,mushy,gooey ones. They make nature sound better than air conditioning. They can stop you from using plastic bags with just their words. Their writing has an air of spiritual calm. These manipulative writers create an enthralling fantasy for you.

10. The List Writer

This one is quite popular on the internet. They pass value-judgements on different topics by enumerating them. Categorising is as important as breathing for them. Usually seen on listverse.com, cracked.com, buzz feed.com and this blog.